As I reflect on our family sabbatical around the USA, I can’t help but think about how it affected our marriage. As Keith and I celebrate 17 years of matrimony today, I am in awe of how this epic trip strengthened us as husband and wife.
I knew that taking this profound journey would be great for our family. I knew it would be quality bonding time spending six months on the road together and all that was intertwined in that. I knew that we were making precious family memories that would hopefully sustain us all for a lifetime.
But, what I didn’t foresee was how amazing this trip would be for our marriage.
Marriage most certainly can feel stagnant, stale and simply safe after awhile. If you’ve been married for any length of time and have several kids, I’m sure you’re tracking with me. I knew that I was married to my best friend, but somehow on most days that didn’t even seem relevant. Keith’s NHL career obviously kept him on the road and focused on that for the first ten years of our marriage. Then for the past three years, his position with the Chicago Blackhawks had him traveling on most weekends, when I could’ve used his fatherly services the most. Weekends are a busy time around here. Nonetheless, we juggled it all just fine. Dare I say that I’m used to figuring out how to do things on my own and turning to my village of friends for help when necessary.
But, we knew we wanted more out of life than how we were doing things and the TIME WAS NOW. We talked for awhile about doing a crazy trip like this. Just leaving behind everything that was keeping us disconnected from one other. NOW OR NEVER. The kids are growing fast and they won’t want to spend time with us like this much longer. Either we put the brakes on now or have regrets later. NO REGRETS. LET’S DO THIS.
This motorhome trip was Keith’s idea. People are always surprised by that and assume it was me that came up with the grand scheme. Always up for adventure, I am usually the mover and shaker of the family, so I can see how people would make this assumption. I hear a lot of wives say, “oh my husband would love to do that” or “I would love to do that but my husband would never.” Marriage takes teamwork and growth together to succeed. Maybe marriage is just about going along with that one crazy dream that your spouse has. Why not GO FOR IT together?
When we were on the debate of turning the dream into reality, I told Keith, “you buy the motorhome and we’ll do this.” And do you know what? HE DID.
He figured out what needed to be done to buy the RV he wanted. He handled everything with the help of a dear friend and I wasn’t involved. I didn’t want any part of the material purchase. If he wanted this to happen, then he would have to figure out how to bring it to fruition. I honestly didn’t believe that he would.
Remember, that we had never spent one night in a motorhome camping in our lives. Keith had never even driven anything bigger than our Suburban before we headed out on this journey. He never even owned tools before this. Would he really be strong enough to leave a job with the Chicago Blackhawks to fulfill a personal dream for our family? The thought of him in charge of all this was scary to me. He honestly had really never been in charge of our family plan before.
But, he surprised me. Not with flowers or with some other mediocre sentiment. He surprised me by showing up. Day after day for six months. He was a rock star behind that wheel. For the first time, I really felt like I needed this man. I can’t say that much intimidates me, but driving Ally B and her sidekicks, the Buick and six bikes, most certainly did. Keith drove every time with utter confidence and pure enjoyment. I played flight attendant and served him coffee and snacks as we drove along America’s highways chatting and laughing. It’s no wonder I shunned my role as roadschooling Mom. This was way more fun than teaching math. Sure, go ahead and watch a movie kids. I’m busy having a good time shotgun my best friend up here.
I have never been a hockey fan. I never married Keith because he was a hockey player. Sometimes it didn’t even equate with me that that’s what he really did for a living. He doesn’t fit the persona. My friends laugh when I say in all truth that seeing him drive and handle this RV trip was way sexier to me than any hockey game I’ve ever seen him play in. For real people. Because seeing someone try something new, fulfilling a dream that makes them genuinely happy, is extremely attractive.
He turned this grand idea into reality and that is appealing. Yes, he had to give up his good job to do this, but that was the point of it too. To really evaluate what is important in life right now and go the distance to make sure you cease the opportunity that is only HERE AND NOW.
There are many times on the trip that I would’ve pulled over on the side of the road and given up. He, on the other hand, never felt there was a situation he couldn’t handle which totally put me at ease. I felt safe and secure and taken care of. What more can you ask for?
I’m proud of us.
And there’s nothing better than going into your 18th year of marriage feeling like that.