To All You Good Moms Out There….

What makes a good Mom?

They ask the foster girl I mentor what makes a good Mom and she doesn’t have an answer.

She finally says a good Mom would take her places and buy her things. The team of professionals assigned to her don’t like the answer. But, when I went home that day and asked my own four what makes a good Mom, they answered the exact same way.

What makes a good Mom?

It’s a loaded question with infinite answers.

I received texts recently saying, “You are a good Momma” and it really got me thinking, what exactly does that mean?

What makes a Good Momma?

I said yes to chaperoning my son’s band trip to Disneyland. My daughter and I adventured to the Bieber concert in Vegas. My boys and I headed out on a Monday night date to one of the last Phoenix Suns games of the season. I did some big outings with my kids recently, so that garnered me the ‘You’re a Great Momma’ texts I suppose. (It also helps to have amazing, uplifting friends.)

I believe that we sometimes view motherhood like teens do. If I only had the time and money to do those things with my kids then, I would be a good Mom too.

Wrong.

When a kid says a Good Mom takes me places and buys me things. I think what they really mean is that ‘she invests in me.’ This past month I’ve qualified a teen’s requirement for a good mom with flying colors. Take me places.

But first, let me take a selfie!

I’m not a big one for buying lots of things for my kids, but I’ll spend all I’ve got on having experiences with them. I won’t buy the big ticket items ‘everyone’ has, but I assure you I will surprise you with adventures you hopefully will never forget.

Creating memories doesn’t mean doing all of these big outings like I was able to do recently. That is rare. It doesn’t mean that I’m a Good Mom at all because I could afford to do those things.

A Good Mom constantly works at her relationship with her kids in whatever time she has and whatever way she can.

I think a Good Mom plans something out of the norm with her kids once in awhile, so that life appears to be more than just mundane routine.

A Good Mom is adventurous and even fun once in awhile.

She is comfortable and secure enough in her skin to say no to things that don’t matter and yes to things that she thinks does.

She has a life outside of being a Mom so work, hobbies and strong adult relationships vie for her time so her kids don’t get all of her attention.

She is responsive, not reactive.

She teaches, not preaches.

She is present and available.

And at other times she is nowhere to be found.

Some days I am these things and other times I really want to be, but can’t muster it up.

Most days I am simply doing my best and I know you are too.

So, it may look like I’m a Good Mom because I’m riding on a bus full of middle school boys over to a popular, expensive amusement park. Or because I’m driving my daughter over to Vegas to see her teen heartthrob because her best friend’s Mom asked us to join them. And yes, I bid in our school charity auction for some Monday night basketball tickets because sometimes it’s nice to make Mondays matter.

But, what I’m really doing is saying yes to adventures that I hope will make my children feel valued and loved. Time is ticking with these kids at home. I’ve only got 5 years left and mine will all be out the door. Saying yes to making memories with them is a priority.

I hope this Mother’s Day you find yourself saying yes to adventures and making memories. Now’s a good time.

You, my friend, are a Good Momma. I know that to be true. Happy Mother’s Day!