7 Things Your Daughter Shouldn’t Post on Instagram
We know that Instagram numbers matter to our daughters.
You are so perfect.
Love you so much.
The feedback our girls receive on their Instagram posts matters even more.
But does your daughter know what matters to you when it comes to her presence online?
We’ve given our girls permission to have an Instagram account, but are we teaching them how to appropriately represent themselves on the popular social media site?
Instagram offers us a great excuse to communicate with our daughter about our family value system. Talk to her about how she posted images and words matter. Help her understand that what she does and says online makes up her reputation.
There simply isn’t a need for turning the camera around on yourself, puckering up your lips, and posting such an image. I’m all for girlfriends posing and making silly faces together, but let’s raise confident girls who don’t need to post continuous photos of their faces. Just say no to the solo selfie.
Teach your daughter that posed selfies are unbecoming and unnecessary.
2. Provocative swimsuit photos
There is no need, at any age, to show your body online to anyone no matter how cute or fit you may be. Living in Arizona where the sun always shines means girls are constantly in bikinis poolside. I have asked my daughter to be mindful of posting photos online of herself, alone or with friends, in swimwear.
When we vacationed at the beach last year, my daughter asked me to take some pictures of her and then asked me to help her pick appropriate ones to post. The only images of her in a two-piece that appear on Instagram are ones that I have taken and we approved together.
Teach your daughter the importance of modesty online.
3. Her entire life
We should all be living our best life offline. Social media should only contain a fraction of the goodness that is really going on in our lives. All of us know people who post every detail of their days online. We know where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing, and what food they are eating. There is nothing interesting about the person who puts every minute of their life continuously on social media.
Teach your daughter to think of Instagram as a snapshot of her life not a diary of her entire existence.
4. Images to hurt another
My daughter knows I don’t think it’s a good idea to post big group photos of girls at parties because someone will inevitably be hurt by the fact they weren’t included in the fun. Not worth it. I ask her to always think of others before posting something on Instagram. On the other hand, I also tell her that she can’t always worry about how someone else might react to her photo either.
Teach your daughter that if she questions whether she should post something, to trust her instinct and forgo it.
5. Material Purchases
This is an absolute no-no. Never post new shoes, new clothes, new electronics, new anything. Who cares? We want to raise humble kids who aren’t defined by the things they own. The haul and unboxing videos on YouTube are a prime example of what not to do.
Teach your daughter that social media is to be used for highlighting her relationships and experiences, not to brag about purchased material items.
6. Inappropriate comments
Not only do people view our original posts but they also see what we comment on friend’s pictures.
A teacher alerted me to some smiley, yet off-color comments that were made on one of my daughter’s posts. She talked with her and explained to the other girls why they needed to rethink and remove their comments.
Teach your daughter to understand that the comments she makes and receives matter as much as her posts.
7. Anything negative
College admissions officers will absolutely pull up our daughter’s social media accounts one day. Questionable language and negative posts can make the school of her dreams hesitant in accepting her a few years from now. Help your child understand that how she represents herself online today will matter later.
Let’s teach our daughters that how they represent themselves on social media can affect their future positively or negatively.
Yes, the likes, followers, and positive feedback all matter to our daughters.
Teaching self-worth, modesty, empathy, humility, and appropriate communication matter to me as her mother and I’m using Instagram as an avenue to instill these important values.
What values are you teaching your daughter through her smartphone and social media use?
These are fabulous suggestions! I have two daughters, ages 14 and 12, and I worry a great deal about the slippery slope of social media, especially for girls. I remember being a teenager and how difficult it was to feel good about myself in the dinosaur days before online sharing. I cannot even imagine trying to navigate the tricky waters of teenagehood (especially as a self-conscious girl) in a culture of likes (and unlikes) and shares. I also have three boys, ages 18, 16, and 8. We have made it a family rule that the kids don’t get social media accounts until age 16. Of course, they hate that rule, especially my 14-year-old daughter. But I feel strongly that they need to develop a healthy sense of self-worth before I set them loose on Instagram. Hopefully, we will be a little closer to that goal by age 16. Of course, each parent must decide what they feel is best for their teens. But I will definitely be teaching mine to follow the rules that you outlined in this post when the time is right for them to jump into Instagram. Thank you for your words.
Hi Lynnette! I commend you for not allowing social media until age 16. If we would all do that our girls would be much better off I believe. It is a very slippery slope for my 14 year old daughter for sure and such a waste of her time and energy! Thank you for reading and commenting my fellow friend of five!
Been reading your blog for just a short time and your wisdom is spot on. I always leave your site feeling a little better, and with a new idea. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
Thank you Diane for brightening my morning with your encouragement!
Thank you for your informative message. I agree that it can be a waste of energy and negative if it isn’t used properly.Social media to be used as a reward. Like playing online games, they come with responsibility and clear understanding of how to use them. Can’t run from social media it is what surrounds our kids today. All you can do is educate and keep kids informed in a understanding manner.
I agree with this post 100%. My daughter is almost 16 and has had social media for a couple of years. How do I reel back in a strong willed teen who already takes selfies and bikini posts? I do share with her how those things are unnecessary and send wrong messages but she eventually goes back to posting them:(. I wish I had this information to share with her 2 years ago.
Hi Karen! I love what you have to say and can feel your pain as a parent. If you looked at my daughter’s social media feed now at 15 1/2, there is a bikini shot or two on there now. Ugh. I think all we can do is speak truth to our daughters and help them navigate it the best they can. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
Or you can just not allow it. You have the final say.
why can’t you just let your daughter post whatever she wants? seriously, i don’t see you worrying about what your sons post, let these girls do what they please. if they want to post a selfie, LET THEM POST A DAMN SELFIE, it’s not that deep. i’ve got nothing against you, but i believe these girls should be free to post what they want.
Exactly! Selfies show that you feel confident with the way you look and bikini photos, as long as they’re shared on a private profile with close friends only, show that you’re confident in your own skin. In this society, girls are belittled and teased based on what they look like and if she can show that she feels confident within herself and ignore the beauty standards she should be encouraged. Help daughters overcome insecurities and let them post what they like!
Most of these are terrible. Teach your daughter confidence and let her post that cute selfie without guilt. Let her feel pretty, and teach her that you don’t have to be modest and “cover up” (or show out off) to be considered beautiful. It’s not her job to dress appropriately as to it make others uncomfortable, or ward off creeps. Teach her to hold those people accountable, and take them to task. Teach her that she doesn’t need to do anything to please, or make anyone more come just because she is a girl.
No kidding. I would like the author to clarify if she has these rules for her sons and if she doesn’t think there’s a bit of body shaming going on with the “no selfies, no bikinis” rule? If you have a problem with bikinis, I think it’s pretty hypocritical to let her wear that out in public (where EVERYONE there can see her) and then say “But not on the internet, sweetie.” What a strange double standard.
This has nothing to do with body shaming at all and everything to do with respecting yourself and others online. There is absolutely a difference in what you should post online versus how you authentically live your everyday life in the world. I wear a bathing suit on the beach, but I don’t post pictures of myself in it. My sons don’t post on social media but if I needed to have the same conversation, I absolutely would.
I’m aware this is old, but I do not see how it is not respecting yourself to post a selfie OR bikini picture… if you find it appropriate and self respecting to wear a bikini to the beach than how is it suddenly not respecting yourself or others to post it? It’s very much controlling in my opinion.
Great information and guidance Amy. Self respect and reputation are nearly impossible to rebuild after realizing you’ve made a mistake. This is something we want to protect our children from. Think before you portray or post something that may hurt yourself image or encourage detrimental posting by others.
then uh may i ask, coming from a 15 year old girl, what’s the problem with showing yourself in a bathing suit? it’s not slutty, in this day in age people should be able to express themselves without being shamed, especially at such a young age. if your daughter feels good about herself wearing something she likes, then let her be herself rather than restricting her confidence just because you don’t agree with it. it’s your responsibility as a parent to keep your child safe, so nobody is going to hurt her as long as you keep an eye out for her. at the same time let her have freedom to discover and express herself too; she’ll learn easier that way. i know i’m only young and i still have a lot to learn but it really does feel kinda awful when you finally find something you feel good in but you’re not allowed to shine through confidently with it because someone who is meant to be loving and supporting you doesn’t think it’s appropriate.
Lee, you are wise beyond words. There is no puzzle piece instruction guide for raising children. Some need more guidance than others. I have always encouraged my daughter to be proud and strong. I gave her freedom to make choices at the age of 13 and explained that once it’s posted it’s in everyone’s hands…Forever. She is 21 now, strong and confident. She is a true leader. I often wonder what she would have grown into if I had limited her control over her choices.
Glad I didn’t. On the other hand, I’m sure other children need more direction.
You will make yourself an amazing life Lee.
I suppose young men are the exception?
If you don’t have boys I can understand why you may not be comfortable trying to blog about boys, but they aren’t exempt.
Quit trying to enforce a separate standard. If it’s right for girls to be modest, it’s right for guys to be modest.
Modesty is a value for all. I actually have 4 sons but I didn’t write about boys in this post, because it doesn’t apply. I’ve never seen my sons taking selfies or commenting to their buddies that they look gorgeous… beautiful… so cute. We can act like there aren’t separate standards, but unfortunately, there are.
Hey!! me again, it very much still applies to men! how is a shirtless beach photo from your son any different than a bikini image from your daughter? How is a selfie from your daughter any different than a selfie your son has took? These definitely apply to both genders…
Amy, whilst I do agree with most of your points I see nothing wrong with taking selfies as long as the person does not become too dependent on the compliments they may receive. Taking solo photos, even if they are not posted, are a great way of expressing yourself and making memories.
Absolutely agree! Nothing wrong with taking selfies for fun! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment Jenny.
Hello. Instead of some worried mother, oh no my daughter has instagram, it’s making her behave badly, it’s affecting her life…
I’m a teenage girl. I’m 14 and, yeah, I have Instagram.
I just wanted to say that as a parent, it is inevitable for you to be concerned. You didn’t have any of this growing up, and although you would be much happier if your daughter doesn’t have any social media, just remember that the world you lived in as a teenager is not the same as now. I also understand that you want to restrict her from all sorts of things that affects her “presence online”. But let me tell you, you are in the minority for viewing selfies as “unbecoming”. I know half of the moms hated those things when they became a thing, but it’s not even a big deal. The more you place rules and restrictions on things, the more likely she is to want to hide things from you. Since pretty much all the parents and teachers and adults hate social media, they would have tried to make an effort in teaching the teenagers the harm it can cause. Most teenagers have seen this everywhere. They know what it can do, okay? Adults are so not used to it and it’s so new to them that they only see the bad aspects. Maybe next time you tell your daughter not to take a selfie, ask if you can take one with her. You might see it’s not so bad.
Hi, I’m 15 and I also have Instagram, but I kind of agree with the post, I feel like teenagers worry too much about the opinion of others even if they think they don’t, nobody posts a “bad” pic. I feel like Social media gives so much anxiety and pressure, especially if you really depend on others’ thoughts. About the bikini pics, I personally do not have an opinion as it is quite a controversial topic. I think that as the girl turns 18 she can do everything she wants. But as a minor, you have to be more cautious of what you post, mainly because there are MANY bad people out there. I kind of wish I wasn’t so addicted to social media, maybe I would be happier but I don’t know.
girl preach lamoooo
Spoken like a true leader!
This is YOUR life.
Live, love, laugh
And make this world better however possible. ❤️
thanks for the post. just what I was looking for. well done!
Hi Amy, i just read this and love it!! I also as a adult need to be mindful of what i post on social media. My daughter is 11, she doesn’t have Instagram but has tic tik but i only allow it on my phone, not hers. She this is a way for me to monitor her post.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment Jenny! It’s so great that you are already proactively reading and deciding how you will tackle subjects like Instagram now before it’s in your daughter’s hands. Our kids need our guidance and technology is an opportunity to teach them pertinent values if we’re willing to put in the time and effort!
Honey, you clearly aren’t educated, I’ve seen so many comments disagreeing with you and it’s pretty embarrassing for you… so please consider researching before writing about this topic. This generation is much different than yours, you never had social media, there are high standards which is very toxic for teens, girls need to learn to love themselves and if they feel comfortable posting a selfie, they should be able to. Bikini photos shouldn’t be any problem as long as they aren’t trying to get the wrong type of attention for it. So please educate yourself because whilst reading this , I find it very embarrassing that you even posted this… 😬
That is a rude way to say your opinion. This is one mother’s opinion, not a dissertation. If you want to disagree, then disagree. There are also many supportive comments and this is clearly a contested issue. I can see the point of both sides. She has some points that some people might not think of – such as college admissions. Look at the profiles of the incoming students to Princetonvs. Florida State and you will notice a trend in what people post about themselves. It depends what you’re going for in how you present yourself. I’d personally set mine to private because I want to limit my most personal expressions to people I know and don’t wish to potentially have strangers stalking me. I’d love to see you say this rude comment to her face.