We must stop being so productive in our parenting today so that our children can learn how to be productive in their own lives.

In the morning the productive parent wakes the child up.

Makes the breakfast.

Goes back in to wake sleeping beauty again.

Packs the lunch.

Throws in the laundry.

Cleans up after breakfast.

Reminds Johnny to take his washed and folded PE uniform and his library book that is due.

Off to school, he goes.

Good thing he has a cell phone to text Mom when he realizes she forgot to remind him to bring his math book.

And because the productive parent wouldn’t want him to be without what he needs, she runs it to school.

And the scenario goes on….

Is it possible that our productive parenting is hindering our children from becoming productive adults?

One of our goals as parents should be to raise a confident, responsible, and independent adult who can capably live in the real world one day without us. It’s time to recognize if we are stealing opportunities from our child to grow into the productive person they are meant to be.

Here are 5 reasons we need to be a less productive parent in 2020 and Beyond

1. Our kids don’t know how to fail

We can’t stand to watch our offspring face disappointment and hardship so we do all we can to keep our babies from feeling discomfort. Failure doesn’t feel good, and we want our children happy, so we shield and protect our son or daughter from anything that may make them feel uncomfortable.

But as adults, we have mistakingly forgotten that failure is a necessary part of life. How will we ever know when we’ve truly succeeded if we’ve never been allowed to fail?

Most of our parents didn’t pick up the pieces when things fell apart for us. We learned how to do that ourselves. Why then aren’t we allowing our child the same space to learn and grow from negative experiences?

2. Our kids don’t know how to problem-solve

For my book, Parent on Purpose, I interviewed several university deans, professors, teachers, and employers about the difference between young adults today compared to past generations. They unanimously said that adolescents don’t know how to solve problems for themselves.

Who’s to blame for this? Siri, Alexa, and hovering parents get my vote.

No matter who’s to blame, we as parents have to be adamant about giving our child the confidence and space to figure out solutions for themselves. Only then will they get to experience the consequences that follow their decisions- good and bad.

How can we begin to empower our child to make choices for themselves instead of them relying on us or technology to do the work for them?

3. Our kids don’t know how to fend for themselves

My viral post on the 8 Things You Should Stop Doing For Your Child touched on how we need to purposely raise an adult instead of big kids who leave our home clueless instead of capable.

It’s up to us parents to let our child become productive instead of us continuously producing for them. It is the rare child who is going to ask to wake themselves up, do their own laundry, make their own breakfast, fill out their own paperwork and the list goes on. Children of all ages like having things done for them, so you are going to have to take the lead in teaching them what they need to know.

As parents, we must strive to balance nurturing our children and teaching them life skills. Don’t mistake doing everything for your teen as love. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for your child is to say no to bringing that forgotten item to them at school.

4. Our kids don’t know how to be face-to-face with another human

Technology is ruining childhood if you haven’t figured that out already. We parents must have boundaries and rules for devices, so our child grows up learning that their iPhone is an asset, not a part of their anatomy.

We must carve out space in our child’s life for them to be with people of all ages in person without a screen to hide behind. The group of professionals I interviewed also agreed that young adults are very unsure of themselves in social settings today. They don’t know how to look at another person in the eye or how to have a casual, yet meaningful conversation face to face.

It’s up to us parents to create opportunities for our children to develop lifelong relationship and communication skills which are not going to happen by using Snapchat.

5. Our kids don’t know how to wait for anything

I blame the brilliance of Amazon and their uber-productive shopping experience. Why wait for anything anymore when you know you can quickly click a few buttons on this website and have your desire in hand tomorrow? What can possibly be wrong with that?

The concept of waiting for something you want or even need is lost on the younger generation, thanks to Amazon.

It’s up to us to teach our children how to wait. To wait for items that they want. To wait in lines. To wait to do things that aren’t appropriate for their age yet.

With our over-productive parenting, we are creating a generation of kids who are afraid to fail, unable to problem-solve, unwilling to help around the house, uncomfortable in the presence of other humans, and who don’t want to wait for a thing.

Parents, we must purposely be a bit more unproductive this year so that our children can become the productive people that they are meant to be.

Growing up I was fearful of roller coasters, bees, and thunderstorms.

Our children are growing up scared of being shot or blown up while at school, the movies, church or at an entertainment venue.

When I was young we used to practice tornado and fire drills at school.

Today, kids are taught to silently hide from gunmen under their desks during classroom lockdown drills.

It’s an unfair and disturbing world that we are raising our kids in today.

How do we raise kids to not be fearful walking out the door of their home?

How do we acknowledge the truth of painful events without frightening our kids?

Our family had a trip planned to Las Vegas over our school fall break. Little did we know that tragedy would strike the city just before we were to head there. Should we even still go? Staying in the safety of our own home feels like a better choice nowadays, doesn’t it? Knowing that we can lock ourselves away to be left alone and be shielded from any wrongdoing is much more appealing than being a possible victim of a lunatic.

But, we must help our kids to feel safe in an unsafe world by continuing to live life to the fullest.

Our family traveled to Las Vegas as planned because we want our kids to see that there is, and always will be, more beauty, than evil, in the world. We won’t hide or ignore the truth of the tragedy that occurred there, but we will certainly balance it with joy, love and laughter.

Have you visited the Seven Magic Mountains two-year art exhibit in the middle of the desert just outside of the Las Vegas strip?

How do we talk to our kids about tragic events without making them fearful and scared in their daily lives?

I would much rather pad, protect, shelter and hide the pain and suffering in the world so that my children can live a carefree existence. The problem is that isn’t responsible, nor is it teaching our children the truth when we ignore the suffering and heartache that innocent people have endured at the hands of evil.

We shouldn’t shelter our kids from the truth but introduce today’s painful realities age appropriately.

My friend, Ashley Barden, is a mother of three and was amongst the crowd enjoying the Route 91 Harvest Festival until the evening turned fatal on October 2. Luckily, she and her friends were among the fortunate ones to make it out of the venue alive.

Ashley and her friend, Cassey, just minutes before the shooting began.

Separated from her friends, Ashley ran out of the outdoor venue to an executive airport hanger where almost 60 people hid in a storage room until police released them around 2:30 in the morning. Shortly after she was able to fly home to Arizona and back to her children. What did Ashley tell her kids about her scary experience?

Not much. Fortunately, her kids are young (11, 6 and 3) and overall unaware of the magnitude of the tragedy that their mother was involved in…. for today. Ashley wants to raise fearless kids and is adamant that she will encourage herself and her trio to live life doing what they love.

We must not raise fearful kids, but faithful ones instead.

Our kids were uneasy to go stay in a high rise hotel on the Las Vegas strip understandably after what had just occurred. We talked about how God has us and that we can rest in Him. We must acknowledge that evil unfortunately exists but we cannot let fear override our faith. Our family drove by the site of the mass shooting so that we could see with our own eyes the area where the tragedy happened and answer any questions our kids had.

On our RV trip around the USA, we visited the site of the OKC bombing. Our kids have seen where President Kennedy was shot in Dallas, Texas and they have visited the September 11 Memorials and Museums in NYC.

I wish evil and hatred weren’t a part of the world we live in, but unfortunately, they are. We have to wrap our head around the pain, talk about it age appropriately with our kids, honor those who’ve senselessly lost their lives and continue to pray for and help our hurting people together.

We must lead our kids from a fearless place so that they can feel secure to live the carefree childhood that they need and deserve. We must show children how to live faithful lives instead of fearful ones.

What can we do to help ourselves be safe the next time we, or our children, are in a large public venue? Ashley recommends that you know where your exit options are and have an escape plan in mind, God forbid something happens while you’re out living your life.

We know it’s our kids’ work to do, but we remind them constantly of what needs to be accomplished before school starts back up.

We see no hope for our child to get their reading and math work done if we don’t help them along.

Helpful, not helpful.

Our high schoolers just picked up their freshman and sophomore schedules this week. Some classes and teachers make them happy, while others make them cringe.

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