We are fast approaching the teen years and our triplets are without cell phones. I know, can you even believe it? What kind of parents are we?

Let’s pause and take a close look at our kids.

Our oldest is all about the social and would not be able to focus on anything else but that device, so he’s out. Not mature enough. 

The middle man probably would rarely look at the thing, but he would most likely lose it in the first week anyway. Not focused enough.

Our third born is completely responsible enough for a phone, but is the one to say, why do I need one anyway? Not interested enough. 

And baby girl just turned 11 and in our book is way too young for such a device. Not old enough.

According to these four, they are the only ones left on the face of the earth without a cell phone. Perfect. They don’t realize this, but this is exactly the point! Don’t you want your family to be different?

Here are 10 Reasons We are Not Getting Our Tweens a Smartphone

1. Smartphones are a privilege

When did our parents allow us the same privileges and material items that they had when we were growing up? Yeah, right.

I find it so interesting that this isn’t the case anymore. What do 12-year-olds need with a cell phone and why are we, as parents, so concerned with being able to be in constant communication with our kids? I think it’s very unhealthy. The boys are away at church camp this weekend and it is very strange to not be able to get ahold of each other. But, it’s okay and I think healthy for all of us to learn to do so.

2. Smartphones hinder delayed gratification

I want my kids to be able to learn to wait for something. Delayed gratification is a good thing. Just because you are turning 13 and because it’s what everyone has and is doing, isn’t a good enough reason. Every child that jumps in the car with us to go anywhere, whips out their phone and mine lean over to assist in playing their game of choice or checking out social media post updates.

It makes me sad that kids don’t even know how to just “be” in the car anymore. I know we are happy when they have these gadgets in hand because it honestly means more quiet time for us, but I also know it can be detrimental. Can you imagine a road trip without a gadget in our child’s hand? We don’t even want to think of it.

3. Smartphones can be a crutch

The other night, baby girl’s bestie was spending the night because it was simply more convenient for all involved. But, she was calling her Mom (who was out to a nice adult dinner) at 10:00 pm saying that she couldn’t sleep and she wanted to go home. Boy do I get that. I remember feeling like that a time or two growing up on sleepovers. The difference is I had no cell phone to call my Mom, so I suffered through.

And you know what? I made it through and learned from it I’m sure. I learned that it wasn’t so bad after all or I learned that I didn’t want to do that again. Lesson learned either way. I love this girl and love her parents even more, so this isn’t a judgment, just an observation of what we are creating and I notice it on a regular basis.

4. Smartphones distract students at school

I was in one of my son’s 6th grade classes and the teacher was having to tell students that they could use their phones to research the project but she would be walking around to make sure no one was texting or using the phone in any other way.

Do teachers today really need one more thing to worry about?

I had to sign a waiver for a different teacher saying if the students could use their phones in class. I signed it and checked the no box. They don’t even have a phone, so of course the answer would be no, right? A few weeks ago, the teacher called to tell me that I was the only one who said no and that I may want to rethink my answer. So she sent back the form again so I could say, Yes, my sons can use someone else’s phone in class. This is crazy to me.

5. Smartphones hinder social relationships

Where we live, ‘dating’ is rampant in middle school. It is very easy to fall into a ‘relationship’ behind texts and social posts. I definitely remember having an eye for boys at this age, so I get it. But, I certainly wasn’t telling ANYONE about it besides my very best friend, who was telling me her deepest secrets at the same time.

We are losing all innocence giving kids too much too soon. My kids need to mature a bit and figure out who they are and become somewhat secure in that before they can handle navigating a relationship over texts and Snapchat.

6. Smartphones should be for working people

Why are we willing to fork out $40 a month or so for kids to have a phone and data plan? We’re not kidding when we ask our kids how they plan to pay for this privilege. We as parents need to make sure we are creating a desire to work toward something in our kids so that they are able to buy the things they want one day.

7. Smartphones prohibit independence

Our kids don’t need phones because everyone around them has one that they can use. This happens a lot. Although, when they try and call from a friend’s phone from the bus or school to try and plan a hangout, I have to remind them that this is why they don’t have their own phone. I don’t want to hear from them. Love them dearly, but we can talk in person when they get home. Musical son has to go into the school office once in a great while to let us know that his lesson got done early or was cancelled so we can come get him.

Can you imagine a child having to go use the school’s landline? Wow. It is possible….Otherwise, our son has to sit outside and just wait……. old school style.

8. Just because we can afford a smartphone, doesn’t mean we need to buy it

Yes, we can absolutely afford phones and family data plans. But, I think this is another powerful message to our kids. Just because we can afford something, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to spend our money on. Our kids have become very aware of people (from friends to the working poor that receive free meals at St. Vincent de Paul where we serve) that don’t have “money”yet have iPhones. They would never be able to observe and question this with their own phone in hand.

9. Smartphone ownership can cause entitlement

Kids should not feel entitled to own any material item. I guess when they are 15 we will be talking about how we’re not buying them cars either…. Before you feel too bad for my tweens, you need to know that they are still very much a part of their iGeneration as they each own an IPAD and have Instagram accounts. One friend advised we do this so the kids could dabble in reality so that they aren’t obsessed with social media and technology when they get to high school. I agree that it is good for our children to begin learning to tread these technological waters, but in moderation.

10. Why do they need a smartphone again?

I know people have absolute reasons for their kids to own phones- having an only child, older siblings who have them or kids who are going back and forth between homes due to divorce. To each his own and only you know your family dynamic. Our family just doesn’t have a good enough reason right now. Turning 13 just isn’t good enough reason for us.

What age do you think is appropriate for buying a child a smartphone?

7 replies
  1. Momma Mary
    Momma Mary says:

    Wow! You WERE paying attention when you were growing up! Dad and I say these very things to each other all the time. Keep fighting the good fight girl!

    Reply
  2. Victoria
    Victoria says:

    Absolutely agree! Love how you hit each topic dead on. As a 31 year old I feel I meet up with girlfriends and same thing on phones. We could have saved money & done this conversation at home! Take time for those who matter, life is much to short.

    Reply
  3. Melissa Crout
    Melissa Crout says:

    Wow, awesome article. I’m going to read it to my hubby right now. Thanks Amy for your thoughtfulness and thoroughness on the topic!

    Reply

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