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Jessica-Lahey-Gift-of-Failure-and-Amy-Carney

We know that strength of character is built by learning through setbacks, mistakes, and miscalculations, so why is it so difficult to allow our kids to experience failure today?

We can thank our child’s school online parent portal app for starters.

As a loving and helpful parent, we open the grade portal to check in on our child’s academic progress, only to see that our son forgot to turn in his homework yesterday, and our daughter bombed her latest math quiz. How are we supposed to react now that this information is in our hands?

Are we really to look at it, shrug our shoulders and go about our normal existence without bringing this knowledge to our child’s attention?

That will never happen because we care about our kids. We care about how our students are doing. And even though we know that our child learning through their mistakes is healthy, we cannot help but communicate with our child, our disappointment in their choices and expect them to do better.

How are we supposed to let our child fail when this portal gives us timely information to help our students better succeed?

The online parent grade portal was never made as a tool to help us embrace failure, but instead, its presence in our lives and on our phones heightens our fear of our child messing up. (We are naturally drawn to the red lines telling us our kids aren’t up to par.)

We can also thank Life360 or the other tracking apps we have on our phones.

Of course, a loving parent would put a tracking app on their child’s phone to keep tabs on their loved one while they’re out navigating the world without us. With it, we’re even able to see how fast our new driver is going since he now takes himself to soccer practice. We set up notifications that tell us when our dear offspring arrives at the field and when they depart as well.

And all the while, we can’t help checking the app throughout the day creating anxiety and stress when we see that our child is not where they’re supposed to be or that they’re driving 9 miles over the speed limit, knowing that they could get pulled over at any moment.

With such ‘helpful’ not helpful parental tools at our fingertips, how are we, as a loving parent, to embrace failure as a gift when we can so quickly help our loved one succeed at every turn instead?

We can start by removing these ‘helpful’ apps from our phone and reading the book The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey, where the author helps parents learn to step back and embrace their children’s setbacks along with their success.

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Parents want to raise resourceful, persistent, innovative, and resilient citizens yet, culture has us confused about how to do that, and Lahey’s book is the perfect aide to help us get back on track.

Thanks to modern parenting styles and technology, we are launching kids into adulthood without the proper skills and mindset they need to be successful. If we continue to parent in an overbearing manner, our son or daughter may become ill-equipped to deal with ordinary life experiences or cope with everyday disappointments.

We must decide to step back and allow our children to struggle more because it’s what’s best for them. We must choose to remove the ‘helpful’ apps from our phones and let our sons and daughters fail and make mistakes. Lahey helps us shift our mindset to welcome the errors our child will make as a regular part of growing up.

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In The Gift of Failure, Lahey teaches us how to purposely lead our child into discomfort, strengthening their character and resolve. She guides us to understand how to be interested, yet not intrusive. Lahey helps us grasp why we must allow our children chances to step up, try, fail, and try again until they get it right. She also teaches us how to enable our children to survive their failures, earn their triumphs, and expect them to contribute to the family household.

The Gift of Failure has targeted advice for handling homework, report cards, social dynamics, and sports. The book helps parents understand why they need to step back and embrace their children’s setbacks along with their successes so they can thrive and grow into independent, confident adults.

I met Jessica at Mom 2.0 Summit, and she gave me a copy of her book The Gift of Failure to give away to one of my lucky readers! For your chance to win, leave a comment below on why you need her wisdom. One winner will be chosen at random on Oct. 18. Winner must be a resident of the USA for shipping purposes.

Check out my favorite parenting books at my Parent on Purpose Amazon Store!

Grown-&-Flown-Book-Review

As a parent of three sons on the verge of adulthood, one daughter right behind them and one son in middle school, Grown & Flown is one of my favorite websites for all things parenting older kids. Not only have I gained wisdom and insight from this popular online parenting resource, but I have also been blessed to write for G&F as well.

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Lisa, Mary Dell and I at Mom 2.0 Summit in Austin!

Grown & Flown cofounders, Lisa Heffernan and Mary Dell Harrington, have expanded on the online content from their #1 site for parents of teens and young adults and compiled all of their wisdom for those of us following in their parental footsteps into this beautiful hardback book.

The Dynamic Duo teamed with physicians, psychologists, educators, and writers, to produce this essential guide for building strong relationships with our teens and preparing them to launch into adulthood successfully. I love that both of our books feature a paper airplane on the cover too. Great minds (and great publishers) think alike!

Grown-&-Flown-Book-Review

The book Grown & Flown: How to Support Your Teen, Stay Close as a Family and Raise Independent Adults is a one-stop resource for parenting teenagers, leading up to- and through- high school and those first years of independence. This 335-page book is packed full of advice and wisdom from professionals and parents who have gone before us. You will want to dig through and take what works for you and leave behind what doesn’t.

The book is organized by topic: family life, mental health, academics, college admissions, separating and letting go, college life, and more. The unique chapter topics make it easy to decide what you want to read, depending on your current parenting stage.

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7 Messages You May Need to Read in the New Book Grown & Flown:

  • Why you may want to trust your teen instead of track them
  • 5 signs you may be overparenting your student
  • How to demonstrate loving support to your student instead
  • Why we want and need, to raise intrinsically motivated students 
  • 15 valuable lessons from a high school teacher
  • Why you may want to rethink the 4-year university path for your child
  • Our parental role in helping our child choose a college

In the book, there is an excellent resource that I am saving for next summer on 50 Questions to Ask Before You go Dorm Shopping. I thought I would buy a Bed-in-A-Bag and call it a day. Apparently not. So, I look forward to digging into this section of the book when it’s time to send our sons off to college next year!

If you are parenting teens or college-aged kids, let me know why Grown & Flown’s new book would be an excellent resource for you. Leave a comment below for your chance to win your very own hardback copy!

Winner will be chosen by random on September 17, 2019. Must be a US resident to win for shipping purposes.

Don’t want to wait? Order your copy at a discount off Amazon HERE!

Want to read my work online at Grown & Flown? Click HERE!