Star light. Star bright. First star I see tonight. I wish you may. I wish you might. Be my date on Homecoming Night.
As if Teenage guys don’t have enough on their plate, they must now come up with a cheesy proposal presentation to ask a girl to Homecoming. He’d better not think of asking her to the dance without at least a decorated poster board in hand.
Why are our sons expected to put on a proposal production to ask someone to Homecoming today?
My post on 8 things you should stop doing for your teen resonated with a lot of people.
The truth is, it is tough parenting resilient kids in today’s culture.
As a stay-at-home, work-from-home Mom, it’s easy to over-parent my kids because I adore them and want them to wholeheartedly know and feel that.
Raising four not so-youngsters, I’m constantly fighting the urge to over parent. From the time my feet hit the floor each morning to the time I crawl into bed, I am trying to balance being there for my kids and showing up in my own life.
Why is parenting today so much more difficult than when we were growing up?
Or does it just seem that way because we are so heavily involved?
Today our children are so much busier than we ever were as kids. I played high school sports and thank goodness there was no such thing as “club teams” and rarely if ever, did we have hours of homework.
We do a lot of things for our kids that our parents never did for us. We feel bad for our busy kids, so we try and help them out, even when we shouldn’t.
Don’t judge me if you happen to see my kids eating packaged Uncrustables for school lunch.
Don’t judge me if they’re on the sidelines of PE because they forgot their uniform.
Don’t judge me if they didn’t turn in their homework because it’s still sitting on their desk at home.
What some may view as a lack of parenting is what I deem parenting on purpose, as we work to build necessary life skills in our kids.
I stopped making daily breakfasts and packing school lunches long ago.
I don’t feel obligated to deliver forgotten items left behind at home.
School projects and homework are not mine to do.
If you are still waking little Johnny up in the mornings, it’s time to let an alarm clock do its job. My foursome has been expected to get themselves up on early school mornings since they started middle school. There are days when one will come racing out with only a few minutes to spare before they have to be out the door. The snooze button no longer feels luxurious when it’s caused you to miss breakfast.
I heard a Mom voice out loud that her teenage sons were still so cute, that she loved going in and waking them up every morning. Please stop. I find my sons just as adorable as you do, but our goal is to raise well-functioning adults here.
My morning alarm is the sound of the kids clanging cereal bowls. My job is to make sure there is food in the house so that they can eat breakfast and pack a lunch.
One friend asked, Yeah, but how do you know what they’re bringing for school lunch? I don’t. I know what food I have in my pantry, and it’s up to them to pack up what they feel is a good lunch. It will only be a few short years, and I will have no idea what they are eating for any of their meals away at college. Free yourself from the PB&J station now.
I have a lot of kids, which equates to a lot of paperwork at the beginning of the school year. I used to dread this stack until the kids became old enough to fill it all out themselves. Our teens are expected to complete all their own paperwork to the best of their ability. They put the papers to be signed on a clipboard and leave it for me on the kitchen island. I sign them and return them to their desks, which makes life much easier for everyone.
Hold your teens accountable. They will soon need to fill out job and college applications, and they should know how to do that without your intervention. When they start applying for college, they’ll need to be more organized due to the increased workload they’ll be facing.
Monday morning, we pulled out of the driveway and screeched around the corner of the house when our daughter realized she had forgotten her phone. “We have to go back, Mom!” Another exclaimed that he had forgotten his freshly washed PE uniform, folded in the laundry room. I braked in hesitation as I contemplated turning around. Nope. Off we go, as the vision surfaced of both of them playing around on their phones before it was time to leave.
Parents don’t miss opportunities to provide natural consequences for your teens. Forget something? Feel the pain of that. Kids also get to see that you can make it through the day without a mistake consuming you.
We also have a rule that Mom and Dad are not to get pleading texts from school asking for forgotten items. It still happens, but we have the right to shoot back, “That’s a bummer.”
School projects do not get assigned the night before they are due. Therefore, I do not rush to pick up materials at the last minute to complete a project. I do always keep poster boards and general materials on hand for the procrastinating child. However, for other needed items, you may have to wait. Do not rush to Michaels for your child who hasn’t taken the time to plan.
This is a great topic to discuss in weekly family meetings. Does anyone have projects coming up that they’ll need supplies for, so I can pick them up at my convenience this week?
“What? YOU didn’t get my shorts washed? This response always backfires on the kid who may lose their mind thinking that I’m the only one who can do laundry around here. Every once in a while, a child needs a healthy reminder that I do not work for them. The minute they assume that this is my primary role in life is the minute that I gladly hand over the laundry task to them.
Most days, I do the washing, and the kids fold and put their clothes away, but they are capable of tackling the entire process when needed.
If our child has a problem with a teacher or coach, they will have to take it to the one in charge. There is no way that we, as parents, are going to question a coach or email a teacher about something that should be between the authority figure and our child.
Don’t be that over-involved parent. Teach your child that if something is important enough to them, then they need to learn how to handle the issue themselves or at least ask for your help.
Put the pencil down, parents. Most of the time, I honestly couldn’t tell you what my kids are doing for school work. We discuss projects and papers over dinner, but we’ve always expected that our kids will take ownership of their work and grades. At times, they’ve earned Principals Lists, Honor Rolls, and National Junior Honor Society honors on their own accord. At other times, they’ve missed the mark.
These apps and websites, where parents can access every detail of their children’s school grades and homework, are not helping to alleviate our overparenting epidemic.
Every blue moon, I ask the kids to pull up their student accounts and show me their grades, because I want them to know I care. I did notice that our daughter was slacking off at the end of last year, and my acknowledgment helped her catch up. However, I’m not taking it on as one of my regular responsibilities, and you shouldn’t either.
What is your parenting goal?
Is it to raise competent and capable adults?
If so, then let’s work on backing off in areas where our teens can stand on their own two feet. I know they’re our babies, and it feels good to hover over them once in a while, but in all seriousness, it’s up to us to raise them to be capable people.
I want to feel confident when I launch my kids into the real world that they will be just fine because I’ve stepped back and let them navigate failure and real-life challenges on their own.
So please don’t judge me if my kids scramble around, shoving pre-packaged items into that brown paper lunch bag, before racing to catch the bus.
It’s all on purpose, my friends.
Summertime is here and the living is easy, right?
Or is it actually more difficult?
As a parent summer brings a different rhythm than the one we’re used to living throughout the school year. How do we take advantage of this slower pace and plan for a summer of significance?
It’s that time of year that I have been asked to send in daily treats of Monday’s flower, Tuesday’s favorite snack, Wednesday’s gift card, Thursday’s school supply and Friday’s personal note all in the name of National Teacher Appreciation Week. I thought that in middle school perhaps I would be free of this daunting schedule, put out lovingly by our APT, but obviously, that is not the case. The problem is, I’m in the business of picking parental battles and asking my 14-year-old son to carry a flower for you on to the bus, isn’t one I’m willing to fight for. Please don’t take this personal.
